Note to (my 4 year old) self…
I was having a debate about the Iran-Contra scandal with my 4 year old niece the other day when I realized that I was having a debate about the Iran-Contra scandal with my 4 year old niece.
What went wrong with me as I was growing up? Why come me not smart like these kids with their smartnesity? The only solution was to create a list of things I would tell my 4 year old self if I had the chance to go back in time and slap him.
Notes to my 4-year-old self
- Learn how to spell the word “definitely” early. You’ll need it for future essays and blog posts you’ll write.
- In the 2nd grade, you’ll meet your first Spanish-speaking friend. Don’t tell her that she speaks Mexican like you know what the hell you’re talking about. First off, she’s from El Salvador you freaking idiot.
- In the 3rd grade you’ll have a crush on a girl named Charity. She doesn’t live up to her name, so don’t be afraid to holler at her. Make fun of her to show how much you care.
- Try your best not to follow the crowd from middle school to your sophomore year in high school. By your junior year, kids will start to mature and you’ll be accepted as the idiot you always were.
- In 2005, you’ll start a blog called Filipeanut.com. Instead of that, invest in a company called Google.