How to cook rice

If you’re Filipino and don’t know how to cook rice your mom and dad must be either rich or not Filipino. Sorry to have ta break it to ya: you’re adopted. To cheer you up, i’ll teach you how to make rice for me. You’ll be making rice faster than you can say, “Hoy, na unsa ka? Pisting yawa.”

1. Throw the rice in a pot (for stove cooking), large bowl (for microwave cooking), or rice cooker container (for lazy people).
2. Add water, rinse, remove water.
3. Add water again. Use your fingers or eye the waterline above the rice. The gap should be about an inch no matter how much rice you have (debatable). If you like your rice dry, keep it at or below an inch. If you like it wet, go somewhere private.
4. If you’re using a stove, cook until it boils and then cover it once it starts to look like rice. Low heat it for about 15 minutes. If you’re using a microwave, set it for 15 minutes. If you’re using a rice cooker, lift your finger in the air. Push your finger toward the rice cooker button. Push the button. Lift your finger off of the button. Sleep.
5. Once your rice is done, throw it away. You did it wrong.

It’ll take about 2-3 tries before you can do it right because it all depends on the kind of rice you use, how you cook, the amount you cook, and if you can read this.