Mother’s Day wishes

I wish I could sing like Charice Pinkflamingo so I could sing on the Ellen/Oprah show and give my mama millions of dollars so she can have more diamond-encrusted sandals than Imelda Marcos.

I would then form a Philippine political party/singing choir called the “Totally Awesome Egalitarians” or TAE*. Not only would they sing to my mama via a live video feed on Skype every day, TAE would also act as my Secret Service, led by Manny Pacquiao and Rambo.

Because she is a single mom, i’d set her up on friend-dates with Filipino actor Cesar Montano. Since my mama is also very religious, i’d fly her to Bethlehem every Christmas and the Vatican every Sunday.

Until I find a genie in a bottle to rub aka Christina Aguilera I think bringing balikbayan boxes full of Oil of Olay lotions to her every year will do for now.

I love you mama! See you in July pohon! Even if you don’t even read my blog!

Single mom’s are the bomb:

“I’m just singing now for my mom. I couldn’t help her before, that’s why I want to help her now.”
-Charice Pempengco

“Today, when people call to congratulate me, it’s not me they pay tribute to, but to [my mother’s] life and her struggle. She’s the true woman of substance.”
-Poorja Chopra

“Yo mama is so healthy her BMI is probably exactly within the ideal range for a woman her age. “
-Lucas Klauss and his “Respectful Yo Mama Jokes.”

*Tae means shit.
*Balikbayan is a person/box with things on sale from Ross and thrift stores.