I was in that movie “The Elf”

Remember that movie “The Elf” starring Will Farrell and some other short people? (Sorry, “little people.”). Well, I was in that movie. I played one of the shorter, browner, uglier elves making toys for the Philippine shipment.

Unfortunately they cut me out mid-way through filming because my “raccoon scene” got a little bit out of hand. Instead of allowing myself to be viciously attacked by a fake stuffed raccoon, I beat down the stuffed animal until his stuffing came out his butt. I guess they felt my emotional and Oscar-worthy performance was better for an Al Pacino movie, rather than a kid-friendly one like with Hilary Duff or Christopher Walken. Photos (c) 2003 Alan Markfield/New Line Productions/”Elf.” Give me my paycheck you bastards.