You know you’re Filipino Filipeanut when…

On my 8th birthday (picture above) I received an email forward telling me whether or not I was Filipino. After reading other “lists” I realized that I might be Persian. Or Burkinabè, even though I don’t know who they are or where they’re from.

Then again maybe im not Filipino, American, or even Persian or Burkinabè. Im actually a Filipeanut, born from a land in the middle of the Pacific Ocean between the Philippines and the mating grounds of bangus (milkfish). And then I realized, hey, maybe there are other Filipeanuts out there too, so I compiled my own “list.”

You know you’re Filipeanut when…

1. You look in the mirror and boom there you are, Filipeanut.
2. You can’t swim.
3. You’re scared of cats.
4. You consider every birthday after your 18th an anniversary of your 18th.
5. At parties, you use the bathroom only to check if you have eye boogers and then stand there for 5 minutes, thinking that if you return to the party too quickly people will know that you go to the bathroom only to check yourself in the mirror for eye boogers, and then you get nervous and confused, thinking, “Damn if I leave now these people will think I just go in here to pick at my eye boogers. But if I take too long, they’ll think I went poo.”

My seventh annual 18th birthday party will be this Saturday so I hope my Auntie Lik-Lik will send pasalubong to me via LBC. US President George W. Bush and Philippine President Gloria M. Arroyo have been invited to come but politely declined by not responding. It’s cool.